Stop Telling Parents of Children with Autism to ‘Just Accept Them’
- Jennifer Kozek
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
As a mom of a child on the autism spectrum who has struggled since birth, I have become deeply invested in understanding what is happening to our children in a world where 1 in 6 have a developmental disability, and 1 in 31 are diagnosed with autism. Our children are facing challenges such as speech and communication differences, social skill deficits, learning disabilities, motor apraxia, executive functioning issues, repetitive behaviors, restricted interests, sensory processing challenges, and psychiatric conditions.
Honestly, I am frustrated by the persistent advice telling parents to stop trying to ‘fix’ or ‘cure’ their child. JUST ACCEPT THEM, they say. And, social media has become a space where parents are often judged for suggesting that autism is medical, and there are things they can do that can enhance the quality of their child’s life to maximize their potential. Parents are often put down for exploring alternative approaches to support their children.
As though we are to move past the initial shock and grief of the autism diagnosis and embrace a new reality. We should not try to change who they are. This would be like someone having a stroke, and everyone just accepting the new condition, without offering any help.
Be wary: others may question your intuition. Symptoms are often explained away with excuses like, ‘Oh, he was premature,’ ‘It runs in the family,’ ‘He has been under a lot of stress,’ or ‘He’s a boy.’ Don’t let these reasons stop you from investigating further.
“Do not passively accept a diagnosis or depend only on the opinions of social media critics or allopathic doctors, but rather listen to your intuition, continue learning, questioning, and seeking answers.”
Our persistence has paid off. My son thrives because we looked beyond medication and conventional treatments. We combined therapies with functional medicine to address gut, nutrition, epigenetics, pathogens, and toxins.
If you are a parent walking this path, I urge you to keep questioning, keep learning, and keep fighting for your child's well-being. Reach out proactively to Functional Medicine doctors, Naturopathic Physicians, holistic APRNs, Integrative Chiropractors, and similar practitioners who address underlying pathologies and medical issues. Make your voice heard, and advocate relentlessly for your child. Your efforts matter deeply. Our children count on us to never settle for less than their very best future. Progress comes from love and thoughtful action, not passive acceptance.
Never stop, keep looking!
There are many underlying pathologies to investigate.
1. Immune System Dysregulation
Autoimmune Responses
Increased vulnerability to infections such as Lyme, or Streptococcus, or environmental triggers, such as allergens, or mold - PANS/PANDAS – autoimmune encephalitis
2. Gut-Brain Axis & Gastrointestinal Issues
Dysbiosis (Imbalanced Gut Microbiome)
Leaky gut/ Intestinal Permeability/ Malabsorption
Food Sensitivities or Intolerances and Picky Eating
Chronic Constipation, Diarrhea, or Abdominal Discomfort
Altered Digestion Affecting Nutrient Absorption
3. Metabolic & Mitochondrial Dysfunction
Impaired Energy at the Cellular Level
Fatigue, Low Stamina, Oxidative Stress
4. Toxic Burden / Environmental Exposures (Eat, Breathe & Inject)
Lead to Epigenetic Changes to DNA – Genetic Mutations like MTHFR, Leading to Poor Detox Pathways
Prenatal Exposures
Genetically Modified Food, Glyphosate & Pesticides
Processed Food Chemicals
5. Nutritional Deficiencies – The Brain is the Greediest of Organs
Vitamins, minerals, fatty acids, protein, and amino acids are required for proper brain function.
6. Neurotransmitter and Amino Acid Differences
Altered Levels of Glutamates, GABA, Dopamine, and Serotonin
Medication Side-Effects
Excitatory/ Inhibitory Imbalance/ Seizure Potential
7. Hormonal & Endocrine Imbalances
Cortisol Dysregulation
Thyroid Problems
8. Nervous System Regulation & Sensory Processing
Trauma Responses
Autonomic Nervous System Differences
Vision Issues cause tracking problems, a narrow visual field, clumsiness, and coordination problems.
Our story continues…
After 19 years of life, 15 years of extensive tests and biomedical treatments and therapies, Evan was doing amazingly well, but we recognized that there were still things that Evan struggled with, including a learning disability. And, after hitting puberty, we started noticing more anxiety, sleep issues, and significant weight gain. Once again, my husband and I were not going to just sit and accept these symptoms. We encouraged our naturopath to send him for more bloodwork. We quickly discovered significant hormonal issues, including very low testosterone and high prolactin levels, which can cause executive functioning difficulties and brain fog. This led us to get a second MRI, and we discovered that Evan has a Benign Rathke’s Cleft Cyst compressing the pituitary stalk. This finding appears to explain Evan’s complex, longstanding constellation of neurodevelopmental, hormonal, and systemic symptoms present since birth.
The first MRI, performed without contrast at age 9, revealed minimal findings. Possibly because it was so small at the time, and imaging technology was not as advanced 10 years ago. They missed an important congenital issue (developed in-utero).
The pituitary stalk is a communication highway between the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland of the brain. Compression of the pituitary stalk by a cyst can cause motor and speech apraxia, learning difficulties, poor working memory, vision problems, slow processing speed, sleep disturbances, and mood changes.
Understanding the profound effects of many pathologies, including pituitary stalk compression, makes it clear that awareness alone is not enough and that parents must step forward as active advocates for their children. In 2020, research found that the prevalence of Rathke cleft cysts in children on magnetic resonance imaging was higher than previously reported. So, how many kids diagnosed on the autism spectrum actually have this? Shouldn’t there be more investigation?
As parents, our role is not to passively accept a label, ignore symptoms, or be silenced by social pressures. It is to observe, question, and advocate relentlessly for our children’s well-being. Progress comes from combining love, intuition, and informed action, addressing underlying medical issues, supporting therapies, and creating environments where our children can truly thrive. Our journey with Evan has taught us that answers are often layered, complex, and evolving. However, persistence, curiosity, and advocacy unlock possibilities that passive acceptance cannot. For every parent told to “just accept them,” remember: acceptance and action are not opposites—they can —and must —coexist. Your child’s potential is worth the effort, and your dedication can transform their life.
Learn more about my family's healing journey (including everything that has worked for me and many clients) in my book Healing Without Hurting. To receive more info on how you and your family can overcome ADHD, apraxia, anxiety, and more without medication, SIGN UP HERE
Addendum
Subsequent discussions post writing this article revealed that several children with autism have also been diagnosed with a benign Rathke’s cleft cyst - being managed with observation alone. Neurologists and endocrinologists are minimizing it's impact despite persistent autism symptoms. These cysts should not be dismissed as clinically insignificant. Further evaluation, including consultation with a neurosurgeon specializing in pituitary pathology, is warranted.
Comments